He Just Cried With Me.

The rain was just coming down all day long, two days in a row. We came home each of those nights feeling so very blessed at the outpouring of love God showed to us. Lorena is our sweet friend who wants to be baptized. She kept telling us how beautiful that seems. She was just waiting on the invitation. She is very faithful & really feels such a connection with the Holy Ghost. It truly will be her constant companion. Our next lesson, with Mingo & Milagros. Taught them of the gospel of Jesus Christ. They truly looked at us with light in their eyes. We invited them to be baptized & they explained to us that this was their desire. There are people who are just so ready. God led us. The next day, we plan our day. Finish with a prayer & unknowingly, thought we should go visit Graciela. So even though that was out of the way we made it happen. Left & the very first person we talk to is a friend we have been trying to have lessons with outside of church. He was somewhere he never normally was & it was on the way to Graciela. We were able to invite him to be baptized. He promised he would go home to pray about it. We were going to meet up a few days later. Kept going on our way. Graciela's, she was not home but her daughter was. In our weekly planning session we talked about all the ways to find people, one was to use family history. So when her daughter told us no, we explained family history. She said okay & let us in. She is an inactive member, shocked. She has lost her faith. We shared a little message with her & prayed with her. I hope she felt the spirit again. God led us again.

Well that friend of ours that we invited to be baptized & was going to pray, prayed. We met up two days later & he explained that he recieved his answer that he is to be married before he gets baptized. We explained how marriage is so important but he shouldn't wait to get baptized. He told us that the girl he needs is someone who comes to this ward & is someone who has helped him on this path. We were left without words. He asked me if he could talk to me alone for 3 minutes, we said no. Then he said just 1 minute, we said no. He told us he couldn't leave without saying what's on his chest. We told him he should go home & think on this again. He said that he had already missed other opportunities to do so & so now is the time. When I tell you, we sat in silence for what felt like 20 minutes, I am not lying. Probably like 5, but it felt like an eternity. I tried to just start asking him the baptismal interview questions, I tried to say we have to leave, nothing worked. Until he said, it's you. I did not take my eyes off the ground. Then I did, with certainty saying that I came on a mission because I love God & I love Jesus. I am here to invite all people to come unto Christ. He asked if I would be willing to finish my mission early & I told him no because I made a promise with God that I am not willing to break. Bore my testimony of the truthfulness of the gospel & prayed for him. This is just such a bummer because we can no longer teach him. He has come to church so many times & even came the following day. We hope he finds the real reason he should be baptized. 

A most special lunch, we got invited to a sweet house to celebrate Mary's birthday. To my sweet extended family, I felt like I was at wolfcreek. It was peaceful & little piece of home. I love these members so much. 

Our bishop sent us a reference, he was called by someone randomly needing help for their mom. So we went, with him. This lady was struggling mentally. Just not happy. You could see the heaviness on her face & the way she carried herself. It was devastating. She wanted to do anything to help herself feel happy. She is not faithful in God, but was willing to try anything. We explained God's love for her & sang her a hymn. In those few minutes that we sang, you could see her face light up just a litte bit. God's love is real. His light is real. 

A common topic of conversation for my companion & I was of the Atonement. She read me something that I wanted to share with you. It is powerful. The story of someone. "In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room. There were no distinguishing features except for the one wall covered with small index card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endless in either direction, had very different headings. As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read 'Girls I have liked.' I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one. And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was. This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn't match. A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching. A file named 'Friends' was next to one marked 'Friends I have betrayed.' The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird 'Books I Have Read,' 'Lies I Have Told,' 'Comfort I have Given,' 'Jokes I Have Laughed at.' Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: 'Things I've yelled at my brothers.' Others I couldn't laugh at: 'Things I Have Done in My Anger', 'Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath at My Parents.' I never ceased to be surprised by the contents. Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes fewer than I hoped. I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived. Could it be possible that I had the time in my years to fill each of these thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature. When I pulled out the file marked 'TV Shows I have watched', I realized the files grew to contain their contents The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn't found the end of the file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of shows but more by the vast time I knew that file represented. When I came to a file marked 'Lustful Thoughts,' I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content. I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded. An almost animal rage broke on me. One thought dominated my mind: No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!' In insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didn't matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it. Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh. And then I saw it.. The title bore 'People I Have Shared the Gospel With.' The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand. And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that they hurt. They started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key. But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him. No, please not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus. I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn't bear to watch His response. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own. He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did He have to read every one? Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn't anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again. He walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn't say a word. He just cried with me. Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card. 'No!' I shouted rushing to Him. All I could find to say was 'No, no,' as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn't be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood. He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards. I don't think I'll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side. He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, 'It is finished.' I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door. There were still cards to be written."

His name covers ours. He took it all upon Himself. He will never stop covering it up. Don't shut Him out. He is your only hope. 

I love you all so very much. I pray for you. 

With all my heart,

Hermana Morley <3